How can you tell if a skeleton is sick?

"Why?" "Exactly"

With da-bloons

We will be called 5 Moron's

A wealthy investment businessman purchases a box of 24 rare and expensive cigars. He gets them insured because of their value. About 2 years later, the man submits a claim to his insurance company stating he lost the cigars in a series of small fires. The adjuster tells him no problem, you can expect a visit from us within the week. A few days later, the insurance adjustor shows up at the man's house with 2 police officers. When the man answers the door, he says, "Well, I knew you'd be bringing a large amount of money with you, but I didn't expect you to have an armed escort." Then one of the police officers says to the man, "I think you misunderstand the situation. You're being charged with 24 counts of arson."

This is the biggest dick i have ever seen! Said my blind date. Turns out she was pulling my leg.

He said yeah man they're innocent!

Meanwhile one of them is constantly licking his fingernails and fingertips murmuring to himself "What is this?!". The other ignores him for a while. But the first guy keeps on licking, chewing a bit and then goes "Is this sand?! What the fuck is this?! Probably sand". At some point the other guy goes "What the fuck are you doing?". "I just wonder what is this. Wanna try my fingers and tell me if it's sand?" "Sure, gimme the finger", he agrees. Redneck 2 chews and sucks a bit his friend's fingers, spits in digust and goes "Pfffff what the fuck, this is shit!!!" "Ahhhh yes, makes more sense! Sand in my ass woulda been weird"

After three months, the wife went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told her she was pregnant. She was thrilled, but the doctor also informed her that, due to a rare complication, she shouldn't have sex with her husband until after the birth. She went home and told her husband what the doctor had said. The husband agreed to try and hold out. After a month, the husband couldn't resist anymore and asked his wife to be intimate. Of course, she refused. Seeing her husband so depressed and sad, the wife called him over and said, "My dear husband, I know you're suffering. Here, take $300 and go to a sex worker to relieve yourself." The husband took the money and thought to himself, "What a wonderful and considerate wife," opened the door, and went down the stairs, feeling cheerful. When he reached the first floor, the neighbour's wife saw him and asked, "Why are you so happy?" He happily told her the whole story. She then said, "Why go looking outside for a sex worker? Give me the 300 bucks, and I'll take care of you." The man agreed, gave her the money, went into her apartment, enjoyed himself for twenty minutes, and then returned home. His wife saw him and was astonished, asking, "What happened, dear? You came back so quickly; did you change your mind?" The husband replied, "I went downstairs, and the neighbour saw me. She offered to take the money instead, so that's what I did." His wife got very angry and said, "What a jerk! When she was pregnant, I did her husband for free!"

Altar Ego

Yep, we don’t want hardened criminals.